Pearce the Heart

  I had a difficult talk with my husband today being April 21, 2023, as he's worried that I'm not going to make it in the long run, the way that I am going - with the aspect of me so often have it where, “I Just keep letting things happen to me” when it comes to my Gut & Mental health, as well as my anorexia. He want me to find that Fight in me.  To have it where I am the Victor instead of the Victim all the time. I get scared because – all I seem to be when I am in those very stressed out times I have on a regular basis is this   "scared little girl", and I give into those victim feelings, as I feel completely helpless a lot of the time. My sweet hubster as I call him sometimes, reminded me - that there is always a Fighter always in me.   It’s like the Phoenix that's in Jean Gray from the movie and comic’s X-Men, that is so unbelievably Strong, and all it wants is to burst out and Fight and get Angry at the enemy that is around her. It’s hard when she...

  My hubby was really not wanting a salad today being April 20, 2023, as he wasn't feeling well gut wise on Tuesday night and as he suspected that the salad he had the other day, may have set him off, as he mentioned that the veggies may be starting to go. I knew that there were still vegetables left, and that my Sweetness I sometimes call my hubby, wouldn't be having any. I still decided to have my own salad with those vegetables that were left that my hubby thought may have made him feel off a couple of nights ago.   But the idea of throwing out vegetables was really stressing me out, even with them being old ones.   I mean most people would be like, well if they need to be thrown out anyways, what's the stress and worry about. Unfortunately I have this intense stress about wasting food, which I mentioned before in my burger post.  I was having to learn this lesson again. So I ended up using up the best of the old vegetables instead of the to worst of it, a...

On a sweet note my most kind husband said to me this morning being April 18, 2023 Happy 8 1/2 Wedding anniversary, which would also be 9 1/2 years of knowing each other 🥰👩‍❤️‍👨🥰 .  I can’t believe that I totally forgot that was today, as I’m such a numbers person, so even half anniversaries can mean something to us.  With things being so hard lately with my gut, and mental wise for me and my own struggles, as well has my husband’s own struggle it makes sense why I would forget, so I am so glad Nathan remembered ❤️😍🥰👩‍❤️‍👨🥰😍❤️ That’s one thing that has not changed these 8 ½ and 9 ½ years that I’ve known my husband is how very supportive, loving, sweet, generous, understanding, silly, and so very kind he is.  If anything I think all those things have grown even more.  I know he used to get easily stressed, and I’m not saying he doesn’t now, but I find he lets things go more then he used to, and I so appreciate that, as unfortunately at this point I get easi...

  On Apr. 16, 2023 my lovely hubby was mentioning to me and I agree that I need to figure out how to stop self-sabotaging myself in different ways. And even though I want to get better it’s not as easy as one would realize to stop. As between the ED, my obsessions, and my negative thoughts I often frequently end up making things worse for myself, or making not great choices and that can often result in hurting myself, whether I mean to or not. I have it where even when I'm trying to do better, and I still end up unconsciously self-sabotaging myself.   An example of that is when I suddenly getting hungry and thirsty and I end up having more then I should as I suddenly feel so hungry and thirty, when if I had held back and spread it out throughout the day, it might not be as bad. So it often ends up affecting my Body, Gut, Mind, Sleep, how much I can eat, etc. or whatever else the next day. Other Self-sabotages I have is procrastinating things as I just "don't feel u...

  I had some thoughts which I mentioned to my hubby on April 15, 2023.   I mentioned that I wanted Elohim’s (God’s) help to help me Let go, Get Better, have Healing, etc. That’s when my hubby mentioned, It’s So important to say to myself,   "I want to Let Go, I want to Get Better, I want to Fight, I want to Be Here, I want Healing, etc." as it tells myself that I Want all those things too, which if I want that, it could become a mantra for me. It's also a reminded me of the idea of what things I Want to get rid of, such as, “I want my ED gone, I want my Obsessions gone, I want my Anxiety & Depression gone, I want my Suicidal thoughts gone, etc.” I think between these different “I Want” idea thoughts, it can show you where You Want to go in this life. With those ideas I think it can show you in the end what is the most important thing to you.   An example of that for me was "I want to Be Fully Healed - Mind, Body & Spirit", which I want that...

  Today is Apr. 12, 2023 – which is 1 day after the “ Letting go with Messed up Burgers ” post I was having another hard day the other night in April, and I had started to see some improvements both gut wise and mentally wise which was so good, and I imagine it had something to do with letting go yesterday on April 11, 2023 with those messed up burgers, which I mentioned in my “ Letting go with Messed up Burgers” post . I ended up just doing what I needed to do after it go messed up, which was choose another option that I had there, which I happened to be my last 2 wonderful Turkey Burgers I love, and so I ended up enjoying the meal with my hubby that night. Anyways the next day on April 12, 2023 it was incredible as I was finally feeling happy, and so was my very sweet hubby.   It was amazing as my gut wasn’t in so much pain, and my mood was so much better.   As most of the time I really struggle with both my physical and mental states, as I’m often in a lot of pai...

  To say the least on April 11, 2023, I was Struggling Mentally Quite Brutally.   I kinda have to give a little background to what was going on before this. Sorry in advance if this is a little too much info. you’ll see what I mean in a second 😉 .   I had been constipated for the past 4 days, and it’s not unheard of for me for that to happen for me, as when I am having trouble eating and drinking like I have been for awhile I frequently get constipated. So I decided to have a bunch of these very high in fibre buds cereal, hoping that I would be able to “go” the next day and to my wonderful surprise I did, and quite a bunch too, hehe. But I’ve noticed that sometimes after I can finally   “go” after being constipated for sometime, that I actually feel a bunch worse mentally.   It doesn’t happen every time, but it certainly did today.   It could have also just been a coincidence, but either way it seems like a bunch of my "crap/bad stuff” was coming ...