Letting go with Messed up Burgers

 

To say the least on April 11, 2023, I was Struggling Mentally Quite Brutally.  I kinda have to give a little background to what was going on before this.

Sorry in advance if this is a little too much info. you’ll see what I mean in a second 😉. 

I had been constipated for the past 4 days, and it’s not unheard of for me for that to happen for me, as when I am having trouble eating and drinking like I have been for awhile I frequently get constipated.

So I decided to have a bunch of these very high in fibre buds cereal, hoping that I would be able to “go” the next day and to my wonderful surprise I did, and quite a bunch too, hehe.

But I’ve noticed that sometimes after I can finally  “go” after being constipated for sometime, that I actually feel a bunch worse mentally.  It doesn’t happen every time, but it certainly did today.  It could have also just been a coincidence, but either way it seems like a bunch of my "crap/bad stuff” was coming out of me so to speak☺️😉.

That was the start of my day, when my Mental State was Beyond Brutal.  I know in some ways after holding onto something, there can be a release, but for me at the beginning of it, it seems to be so much worse.

My obsessive thoughts were so intense today.  I couldn’t stop thinking about food, and planning it.  I was wanting to try these new Organic Burgers, and stressing if I was going to like them, if they would work with other foods that I would have.  I couldn’t turn if off, and I was feeling so out of it, and tired while that was all going on, which was a lot for me.

I hadn’t slept well the other day, which I’m sure was making things worse.  When my Gut and Mental State are at it’s worst, I can’t turn off my obsessive thinking, which can often cause me to go down the road of, “I don’t want to be here”, and struggling to see what the point is to why I am still here.

Of course I’m at my most selfish feeling and thinking times in those moments.

I know in my heart, I still care about my husband, loved ones and Elohim, but it’s hard to see that when you feel at your lowest point.

Anyways not being able to calm myself down is scary, all those things I was mentioning feels so overwhelming it puts me in a super panic fear state, where I feel so out of control, which if I am being honest I feel that all the time, it's a matter of the severity of it.

For me it’s a matter of if it's turned up or down, and today it was super turned up, which was making it really hard😳😞😧😟.

So as I said I was already having a brutally hard day.  I decided to make these really yummy sweet potatoes fries (which my husband and I call yammies) cut up nicely with lots of butter and spices, which I learned from my wonderful mother-in-law, and making them often helps my mood, which it did later.

When they were to be ready to go into the oven, we found out the new Organic Turkey Burgers I was trying was horrible with it’s packaging.  Not only were they shrink wrapped, but when you happened to get the 2 burgers out, they were crazy stock together, you had to grill two on top of each other, so you couldn’t just have 1 if you wanted to.

Even on the BBQ it fuzed together at first.  Eventually it kinda did separate apart, but by then the 2 Burgess were falling apart, it was really was ridiculous how bad it was, what a mess it made of it.

So imagine with all this extreme stress I was already before this, that something like this would normally push me over the edge.

But for some reason I actually ended up letting that go, that I wouldn’t be having these new burgers.

Which is saying something as I’ve had to start looking for new Turkey Burgers because my stores for some reason decided to discontinue them.  For someone who’s very stuck on the things they can eat, that’s crazy difficult.

So knowing this was another burger that wouldn’t work for me, was another stress.

Also I’m the super worrying about money and not wanting to waste food type person.  So throwing out food when it’s something I really like is quite difficult, but even something that's not good, can still really stress me out as it still feels like wasting food and money for me.

Anyways, to just be like sure whatever, and be more chill about throwing out these new burgers is a big thing.

Thankfully unknown to me Elohim (God) seemed to be working things out, because we put on my 2 last Regular good Turkey Burgers tonight as well, which were meant to be for tomorrow, so I actually had something I could eat.

I think that’s probably why I was more chill, because not only did I have options, but also I could enjoy my yummy last Turkey Burgers for the last time, with some really good yammies.

And on a random cute note by chance my salad dressing I put on my plate happened to be turned into a heart ❤️, which I know I needed that after the day I had.

I think that was from Elohim (God), was just saying I’m still looking out for you, even when it doesn’t seem like it, and I thanked Elohim for that.

I think the Enemy was also likely going after me, as they probably don't want me to get better, as after the Burgers didn't worked out, as I said I ended up letting that go, and I ended up enjoying our Supper.  It was not long after that, that I noticed that my extreme obsessive thoughts seemed to have slowed down to where I could manage them.

I think Elohim was trying to help teach me to learn to not hold on so tight to things and learn to let go, as often there are better things on that other side.

So though it was a brutally hard day for most of the day, I was glad that I was able to finally breathe and enjoy the meal with my husband in the end.  I was pleasantly surprised and so glad that both my gut and mood seemed good after that, which is really something as it often isn’t in the evening, or after a really stressful day.

It really makes such a difference how much more you can handle things when you are relaxed. 

But for someone who is in a constant state of stress, it’s hard to counter act those unexpected moments, as they can often frequently put me in a panic.

I know that the enemy frequently takes advantage of that to “egg me on” as the saying goes, and I tend to give into it.

But I was touched that even though I was giving into my struggling thoughts and feels so badly today, my Elohim still helped me out, and showed me being open to not having everything perfectly planned out can be okay, as he’s just trying to change me, but sometimes there can be some growing pains while that happens.

Oh I know I don’t like it at the beginning, middle, and likely the end of this healing journey of mine with Elohim, but I for know for sure even if I can’t feel it at the moment, that I still appreciate the help of getting me where I need to be.

Patricia <3  :)

 

Proverbs 3:5-6    Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

 

Here’s a song about if I gotta start somewhere and sometime, why not start on our Knees, as that’s where we can find out Elohim (God) and His Love.

 

“City On Our Knees” by Tobymac

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x6uPWiEhcs&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=55