Pushing through Brutal Darkness can bring about Light – part 2

This is part 2 of this important post, which was on the next day on August 22, 2023, which was after having that desperate prayer of wanting things to be better. 

I was talking to my hubby about how extremely brutal my struggle was in the middle of the night, that my mom heard me groaning and crying so intensely that I woke her up - as I was sleeping in the bedroom next door, though I didn't mean to wake her up.

It took a few hours after that to feel like I could relax a tiny bit, so I couldn’t get back to sleep I figured I’d have a shower and go from there. 

At that point I was slightly peaking inside myself with the intense darkness of is it going to stay a little better for me – or is it going to get worse.  Then I started to think about food stuff – and then I said nope I don't need to do that. 

Then I started to think about wanting to take my life so much - as I was feeling it sooooo intensely in my mind - my body - and my spirit.  Then I felt the thought go by of, which likely was from the enemy – ooohhh that they are suggesting pills & I actually might doo it – as it was sooo badly earlier.  Then I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO as in my heart I knew that I didn’t want to take my heart – more so I just wanted this brutal struggle and darkness to go away.

So after a couple hours later I decided to try to push through this tiredness & gut stuff and I caught up on notes I've wanted to do for over a week, which got me writing some of my future posts again – that’s when I noticed little by little my mood started to improve to the point that I started to have another good day.

I felt like there was spiritual warfare that has been going on with me and I told my Mom as well as she was there when things were so difficult for me.  As she’s an amazingly faithful woman that loves her Elohim (God) and Yeshua (Jesus) and only wants to see her child healed through them.

I have to remind myself as well that it's letting Him come to where I am at and go from there, as my Mom and my hubby said is that He knows what it'll take for me to get where I need to be and to pray for the willingness to let Elohim change my Will, and get me down that pathway He wants me to be with Him.

I need to remember in all this Brutal Struggles and Darkness and more that He can help me in this situation and any other ones, that way hopefully one day soon it won’t have such a hold on me as it does now, as His Light will bring me out of it❤️.

So when I actually tried pushing through things today even with my Gut & Mental stuff still trying to keep me down at times – it was HUGE for me.  I know for sure Mom's earlier prayers – and saying NO NO NO to wanting to take pills or my life was a good thing – as the enemy was clearly trying to pushed me over the edge – but I was also trying to put myself with My Elohim - instead of always going down with the enemy, which seemed to have made a difference.

I for sure can tell the enemy is fighting extra hard probably because I am getting tired of this awful life I've let myself fall into & they most know as I prayed/wrote yesterday how serious I want all my struggles to go away & stay away & when I finally accept Elohim and His Light Fully and Have Him on my side then it’s likely the darkness and the enemy won't have a hold on me anymore,

I think that's when the True Healing Will Start to Happen & I'm so Excited for when that Day will Come –As I Praise Elohim and I believe My Life will get So much Better - As I'll Finally Be Fighting with My Elohim - Instead of Fighting against myself & letting the enemy win - as With Elohim every battle will be Won.

Hehe only people that know this comic/show “One Punch Man” He's like One Punch Man - But even stronger which is crazy - as with One Punch Man, like in his name, he not only wins every battle, but does it in one punch.

So that's probably why things have gotten so bad for me - as I'm likely finally getting close to who I am supposed to be with through Yeshua (Jesus) & Elohim (God).

So it’s so cool seeing me be able to push more today as I said I suspect He was Strengthening me with His Strength and Light instead of the darkness, which I felt a little more today.

I Thanked my Precious Elohim for this ❤️❤️ as He knows how badly things have been for me and I really want to get better not just for myself, but for Him, my Loved ones and other people that are in need out there ❤️.

When I was feeling good and even pretty, which I don't normally feel about myself, which I did with pushing and letting go more, I ended up looking in the mirror and I felt pretty and happy, so I asked my Mom to capture a photo of myself. 

But oddly enough both my Mom and I didn't realize she was doing a little video until after 😊, and by chance there happened to be the Love balloons in the background of the pictures, which I didn't realize until I cropped the pictures of me❤️🥰, which I knew was very much Elohim 🥰, as I could tell He was saying “I Love You” today to me as after a hard night last night – so that I ended up having a good morning and finally feeling like myself again – which I thanked My precious Elohim for this ❤️🥰.

I also feel like when I look at the Sun it always reminder me of my Elohim☀️🌞 and He was very much on the walk together with me and my Mom today.

It ended up being another Good Day, and the difference is I had to push through quite a hard night, but after when the Good Day came and my Mood was starting to get better I kept pushing through the struggles I was feeling in my Mind, Body & Sprit, it really made a difference & I also let God be a part of that too.

Sure I was tired, my gut was off, and I was sleepy, but I had this happy energy I haven't had in a long time that stayed around and I actually got things done today, and had fun too.

I even watched Lord of the Rings for the first time & was surprised it was so good.

I wasn't sure if I'd ever be up for The Lord of the Rings Movie Series as I knew they were really long and I thought it might be boring, and possibly too violent but oddly enough it actually was Really Good and there was some bible stuff in it, which made it interesting to watch that with the whole good & evil and more & showing how sinfulness can show up in an innocent person and when you give into temptations so strongly it really can change you so much to the darkness., which I can relate to so much in my life lately.

But I love when things work out so well, and I am so Thankful to my incredible Elohim and my incredible Mom for helping me with that today ❤️.

I had a thought that sometimes it may be possible that Elohim may have let things happen longer as it’s connected me to Him and my writing, which could help others down the road, or at least myself in the meantime.

And normally I'd be like Elohim😡!! But honestly today I felt inside myself – Wow Elohim You really must think I am Strong - as I didn't believe it before this that I could be That Strong 😮😲😊❤️. – But I need to remember that it’s a whole timing thing and part of this journey I am going on helps me getting out by to writing about it, which helps me and as I said possibly others as well.

To those that are struggling I know how hard it can be to keep pushing through that deep Brutal Darkness each day – but when you let His Light in – He can help you get through the worst of it ❤️.

Patricia   <3  :)

 

Psalm 18:28     For it is You who light my lamp; the Lord My God lightens my darkness.

 

Here’s a good song about feeling like you are less than what you were meant to be, as you feel like you keep failing, but we have to remember that when we are at our weakest to see that Elohim (God) is strong enough to help those that are struggling and in need, and can you imagine what life would be like if we let our Yeshua (Jesus) live through us each day.  I think that would be amazing <3.

 

“What Life Would Be Like” by Big Daddy Weave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X8GtrHwMuA&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=101