If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Believe – part 1

 

I decided to make this a 2 parter with the first part being On August 16, 2023, which I decided to write an important post about.

Which the first part was about me Super Intensely Struggling Mentally, which makes me feel really Intensely Down & Depressed so Deeply - I can tell it's from me Gigantically overeating that I did yesterday – and something from there is for sure affecting my mind.  It really does make it hard to want to be here in that state.

I had already been so struggling with overeating last night, and I ended up doing it again, but worse was when I did it at the food bank that I was volunteering with.

It was unexpected, as normally I don’t eat anything at the food bank, but this time I unfortunately gave in way over into temptations.

Besides the bunch of donuts I ate, and also the cashews I had to try to curb my appetite.  I ended up having these sponge cake little treats, that we were giving to the people that were going to those coming to the food bank.

But while I was packaging them, there kept being ones that the package were open, and since those couldn’t be given to people coming to the food bank, I didn’t want to have them go to waste, and because it tasted so good, I kept eating more and more of them.  I couldn’t even tell you how many I had of them, but way too much, so yet again a 2^nd time in a row I was way overeating, and I couldn’t seem to control it.

I knew this is soooooooo bad 😞😞😞 - I felt so gross - yet there was still a part of me that wanted/didn't care - but I did, all I actually wanted originally was just one donut - but it got completely out of hand 😞😞😞.

With me being in a really bad mood from the overeating multiple times.  I was in a bad state, which made me get triggered easily by things, which is what happened when I got home with my Mom and brother J.

My brother J. ended up point to a picture of a woman and mentioned how very curvy she was and that would be ideal for me to get to that weight and size.  With me being so sensitive with being in a bad mood this pushed me way over the edge.

I was already feeling so bad about my body, from way overeating, that for him to make me think in the future being way bigger than I could handle freaked me out, and he kept persisting about me becoming that size being a good thing, as he was saying I am way too thin – but that just didn’t help.

I ended up getting so triggered that I almost fell down the basement stairs as I wanted to get away from him, as it bothered me so much.  

Then at this point I was really wanting to cut myself - I really hated myself - I really wanted to Kill Myself & I was already feeling this sooo intensely earlier - it brought me to a bad place.

My brother J. often gets fixated on things so that it seemed like he didn’t care - he just wants me to leave if I'm going to get upset like I was.

With that I was pushed to the point that I was feeling so very ugly.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and that I wanted to hurt myself.

I ended up hitting myself with my fists hard at first and as I said I wanted to even cut myself or more – which I hadn’t done for 8 ½ years.

But I thought of Nathan & grabbed a pencil crayon & stabbed it on a paper over and over and over again – when it suddenly broke.

After that Mom checked in on me and kept saying she was so proud of me that I could still Volunteer earlier and help others so much when I was going through all this struggle earlier and be so helpful to her  - even though I gave in a lot with the foods – that I would still do what I needed to do to help out.

Though I was in a state of not wanting to be here – Mom said she was so glad I was still here –

and that my struggling state won't last forever.  At this point I was on the ground & my Mom actually came to where I was on the ground – as she wanted to keep me safe, which was so kind of her to do <3.

Then after that my brother J. was extremely obsessively trying to message any and all woman that were contacting him in a not great way – both my Mom and I were telling him that these woman were scammers – we knew that the only reason these woman were messaging him was to get something from him, as he gave them his information which likely was sent around – as they probably felt he would be an easy naive person to get money from as he so badly wanted a girlfriend.

It was bothering Mom and I sooooo much that a sign that said "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Believe." fell down twice when Mom and later J. slammed our back door.

It's so bad because if J. brought those type of woman home - that type of evilness will stay around the house and it would likely quite affect and trigger both my Mom and I a bunch.

But the sign reminded me Elohim (God) will get us through this time – so I instead decided to blare Christian music super duper loud in my headphones so I couldn't hear J. and ignored him as he tried to argue with Mom about his Extreme need to find a girlfriend even if they weren’t the right woman for him.

I said to the Lord that something needs to be done about J. and that - it's not fair to Mom, or even himself to be going after these not ideal woman.  He needs something to dramatically to help change his thinking.

I also asked the Lord to help me too with this darkness, awfulness, ugliness, etc. that is all happening in this home.

Thankfully later when Mom and J. went to the evening Prayer Service - after that the Pastor got J. to listen to him about not trying to go after those inappropriate type of woman that are contacting him - as Mom told the Pastor what was going on - and that it won't help him in general or help him get into heaven that way- which J. ended up amazingly to respond to.

The Pastor said to Jonathan is this a disability thing where you can't actually stop/help what you are doing OR is this what you want - but you know you shouldn't do. – Then J. said it's something he wants –  The pastor said that is sin and it won't help you with getting into heaven and find Salvation which was important to J. - so it's pretty amazing that J. really is trying to do better with finding a woman in more appropriate places like Church.

For him to suddenly want to change was so very unheard of, so I was really proud of him for trying much harder to change that.  I knew that came for sure from my Elohim as no one else would be able to change J.’s feelings so quickly.

I hope I can get there with my own stuff & with You Elohim <3.

 

Unfortunately because my mood was sooo very bad, and I didn’t feel up for going to the prayer service at church, I ended again for the 3^rd time within 24 hours overeating at the most I had every had.

 

It was scary as I Legit Couldn't Stop – it made me HATE MYSELF SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! I JUST ATE & ATE & ATE - ERRRRRRRR!!!!!

I told myself that I'M SUCH A PIG & SO DISGUSTING!!!!!!

I Punch Myself on my Forarms & Thighs.

I was Struggling sooooooooooo much - I just couldn't stop and even care - it's sooooooo bad!!!!  - I Hate this NEVER ENDING HUNGER, DEPRESSION, with this LIFE IS SO AWFUL WITH ME TRAPPED INSIDE OF MYSELF!!!!

I was crazy forcing down the food by the end of it - I was practically chocking on it - it was brutally bad 😣😣😞😞 I know - I NEED TO STOP Crazy Overeating - as I can't keep doing this.

 

Please Elohim help me with this as it's horrible- help me to stop craving things, and overeating like crazy as I have been, especially carbs.

 

But though this has been a brutal day, I still remember like that sign that fell down said “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Believe”.  That though I don’t see a way out of this brutal state I continue to be in – that he could help my brother J. which seemed like was impossible to do – then I pray that He can do that same for me – as it’s really become too much for me to handle.

If others are in that place of super struggling to let not only Elohim (God) help them but others – as there are times when things have become to much for one person to do on their own and they need outside help besides themselves.

Patricia <3   :)

 

Psalm 37:40   The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him.

 

In the next part 2 part on Aug. 17, 2023, Elohim shows up in unexpected ways – connected to help that came my way sooner than I expected which is called “God showed me help sooner than I expected -part2”.

 

Here’s a song about some that’s been though a lot, and that though they stumble and fall, but that they will not be moved as they stand for our Yeshua (Jesus) in everything, as even in the broken hearted days our Yeshua was there <3.

 

“I Will Not Be Moved” by Natalie Grant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FRVXJoP0qI&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=97