A Desperate Prayer & State & Wanting what I had in the past – part 1

 


I decided to write an important post about a prayer I said on August 21, 2023, this will be a two parter, and the first part of the post is about the prayer as well with wanting to get better with my ED, my Gut stuff and my Mental Struggles as well as the everyday life stresses that’s going on in my life.

I prayed to my Elohim (God) that I am Super Intensely Struggling Mentally to want be here today.  It's just so Brutal with the Extreme Stress, Pressure, Anxiety, Worry, Terror, Torture, Depression, Darkness, Fear and Gut stuff I feel.  It's tooooo much and sooooo bad Lord.

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP LORD.  I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP ELOHIM!!!🥺😟😳😔😫😣🙁☹️.

I need this Constant Worry about Food using it up, wasting Food, getting only the Yummy Foods, Waiting to Eat, Needing to Eat having My Life only Be about Food – to Be A Thing of the Past as it's Horribly Controlling My Life😣🙁😫🥺😟😳😔.

The Stress, Worry, Fear, Anxiety & Depression with that and other things are Driving Me to Not Want To Be Here ☹.

But I know if all the Stress and more of that were to go away – Then I would Feel like I Could Breathe again – and Do Life Like You Want Me To.

Oh Elohim Please Make That A Reality For Me Soon – As I Really Can't Keep Taking This😫😳!!!!

PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO GET TO THE FREEDOM YOU AND I WANT SO BADLY SOON!!❤️❤️❤️.

I Need You My Yeshua (Jesus) & Elohim (God)❤️❤️❤️ I Can't Do This On My Own!!

I am Super Stuck - Help Me Get Out of this Horrible Place I Put Myself In

& Bring Me To A Place Inside Myself & With You Where I Will Always Feel Safe ❤️❤️❤️.

Lord I'm Willing to Be made Willing to Finally Get Past this ED & Everything that Holds Me Back - My Elohim Help Get Me there Fast - I want Treatment and Healing Now - so I can Move On With My Life. 

But truly I Want Your Treatment & Healing First – So Help Me Get There With You As

Sooon As You Can – so that when I Go into Treatment I'll truly be Ready to Fully Let Go & Be Excited to find Recovery in You & whatever Treatment I have.❤️❤️ ❤️.

PLEASE DON'T LET ME BE LIKE people that live with their ED & still see themselves as Fat & hate themselves with their restored healthy weight.

I want to not have it have a hold on me Lord - I want to Have my ED never be a thing for me again - I want to have it where the ED & Enemy & any other Struggles be finally Beated & Delivered & Won so Extremely Strongly by You & Me - so I can finally be free - Lord Get me there  & I pray for both friends and others that are still so stuck in their ED as they so badly need that too ❤️.

I felt like I heard Elohim say – I Am Preparing You My Child – and I Will Get You There.

I replied in Tears - Thank You Lord 😊 I Love You Lord ❤️❤️❤️.

Elohim says - I Love You More than You Know❤️❤️❤️.

 

After writing that prayer I found some pictures of me and a close friend I.M., as well as my hubby and I at her wedding that was from 6 years before.  It really was a beautiful picture of myself, as well as my friend, and also my hubby and I. And I just wanted so much to get back there – but it to be the present & future now as my Gut stuff hadn’t happened yet, and my ED was more in the back of mind.

I still had my struggles, and life wasn’t exactly perfect, as no life truly is, but I handled things so much better then, and I felt more happy in life.

I remember just enjoying my friends wedding, having fun, and even in my healthy size I was at the time I could accept me being beautiful in the moment.  I could have fun with my hubby by my side, and tear up when I saw my close friend walking down the aisle as she married her best friend.  I didn’t know how great I had it, until things changed so much almost 4 years ago when things got so much worse for me since Sept. 2019, and for my hubby as he’s been there for me from the beginning of all of this.

So with that I know I was so much more happy then.  I miss that so deeply & I pray to my Elohim he helps show me and my hubby the way to Freedom with Him, which I want so badly and for it to be soon!!! ❤️❤️❤️.

I know it’s so hard to see a way out of this, but somehow I have to keep holding on – so that Elohim (God) can take my hand and help raise me up again – and I pray He does that for those out there that really need Him too❤️.

 

Patricia   <3   :)

 

Isaiah 41:10     Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

-in part 2 part Aug.22, 2023 – is more about working and pushing through a super brutal day to where things started to get better.

 

Here’s a song about throughout the world that everything is Elohim’s, which means that everything is precious to Him, which includes everything person <3.

 

“Yours” by Steven Curtis Chapman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6rY6TRNzbk&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=100

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