Unexpected healing that’s happening at my childhood home

 

After writing about my previous post “Don't apologize for your choices. Own them!”  I decided to write an important post on what’s been going in my childhood home starting on later July 7& then 8, 2023. 

There have been Unexpected healing that’s happening at my childhood home while I have been staying with my mom there.   I’ve noticed also that there has been mending and healing relationships with my mom and even my brother at times – And for sure Elohim (God) is here at my childhood home and a big part of the changes that have been happening. 

As I mentioned S. from my previous post “Don't apologize for your choices. Own them!”  surprisingly pointed out – not only has mom been a blessing for me with helping me – apparently I am a blessing to mom too, which surprised me. Mom also really felt that from God when we were both doing a prayer and bible study on our phones together.

I had this disconnect with my Mom not because of her, but because of my own super struggles to trust anyone and try to protect her and others from my darkness and showing the ugliness/fear.  As well as my ED/food obsessions, and my struggle with being vulnerable for years that pushed me away from her and others.

I was amazed that since being backing at my childhood home and Mom’s place, that I have changed so that I actually have let my Mom help me when I really needed it.  Normally I would keep everything I was struggling with from her, but lately I am reaching to her first.  I let her be the supportive Mom she’s always wanted to be with me <3.

With that I think Mom needed me there as much as I needed her, and we didn't realize I needed to be back home to find healing with Elohim (God) until I got there.  As that’s where all my pains, struggles and terrors started. So it makes sense this is where the healing would likely happen.

So though things got so extremely difficult for both my hubby and I when it comes to dealing with my mental struggle and gut and health issues – it for sure was needed that we need some space apart, not because we don’t love each other – but because we both realized that we couldn’t do this on our own, and we needed a much bigger help for me.

And we realized for sure it would come from Elohim. So though it seemed like we were giving up – that's when Elohim and the Calvary of His were waiting so long to give them a chance to help to give us the strength to keep going – as Elohim and His Angels would be there to fight with us.

It's all about the timing – I know you hear that all the time, but I really see that – as I felt that fight more and see even little healings happening, before I knew it being at my childhood home again. You really have to be in the right frame of mind and place, to really accept where you need go and then go from there.

I know the journey originally is the most difficult during the first half, especially that last parts of it – As the first half you are doing the heaviest lifting, as often you are doing it on your own.

And also I find for me, you still feel that deep pull of the darkness that’s trying to swallow you down.

But when you get past to 51% or even 52% that's when it gets really good, as then there's No going back.  It means that you've accept Elohim's help, so you are more then halfway there.  That's when you start feeling a pull again that you often feel, but this time in the other direction towards the light that lifts you up.

So with that the whole heavy lifting things become possible because you aren't doing it alone anymore, and though the first half was nearly impossible it doesn’t seem so now.

This can seem like the last half can be much quicker and easier – not because you aren't going to have any major struggles, but because now you are able to rely on Elohim.  So that even if you give your life and struggles to Him even in a teeny tiny amount it can make a difference.  At least that's what I’ve noticed lately

Oh I'm not saying I'm an expert at all with this – No Way, but clearly Elohim does.  Because I am such a Control Freak – I even try to control my way to Healing, hehe 😉, but I am starting to slowly see that – though I'm not at a point of 100% trusting Him just yet, and Yes – I don't totally want to give up control.

But I Do Know that I want Healing, and I Do Know that He is the Healer, and that He's the only one who knows when and how I will get there.

So there's no harm in actually being honest about where I am at and going from there – and WOW THAT'S WHAT REALLY HAS MADE A DIFFERNCE 😊. 

I know it seems like the journey part is the worst, but honestly and I am believing this more and more and did I mention more😉 that the journey is the most beautiful part of it – because the people that have loved you for sooooooooooo long, finally get to see that all the prayers and loving sent to you is not for nothing and that Elohim is blessing both sides of it.  And that the faith that’s been there can finally bring that loved one to a safe place – as Elohim is holding them in the safe palm of His hands.

 

I decided to write more of a hard day the next day on July 8, 2023 that I was having at my childhood home and the unexpected help someone wanted to suggest for me there.

So I was having a really hard mental day. I was constantly thinking of food and something that I was super craving.  I ended up making chocolate chip cookies for my brother and I, and because I suddenly was unexpectedly insanely hungry - I went into this crazy selfish "I NEED FOOD NOW!!!" mental state in my head, which I know can be very addictive behaviour, but also my body has been starving for so long, - so when it suddenly wakes up - I often can't seem to stop it as it's soooooooooooooooooo extreme.

So I unfortunately way over did it with the food, as I did actually have a bunch of regular food, as well as the quickest thing I could find in the cupboard with snacks or otherwise, and of course some of those cookies I made.

But because I felt so out of control I just wanted to just run and curl up in a ball and cry so hard, I felt so unbelievably depressed after that.

Then my brother happened to came by, who normally gets on my nerves a lot, as he talks so repetitively, who's extremely obsessive and loud, and is basically a young child in an adult body. So helping him try to see things from another person’s perspective is a quite difficult thing for him to do. So with that he only knows how to relate to himself, and only talks about himself.

So he Surprised me by coming by and was like - "oh you are eating, oh that's good, I'm so glad – and I don't mind that you are having some of my snacks, as if it helps you eat, which is sooo good - as you need to gain the weight - and that maybe you could try other things too as well that are more healthy as well as my stuff if needed, no judgement here."

I was honestly in shock, "oh J., WOW that's so sweet of you to say." He happened to find me right when I was in my super struggling, tearing up like crazy depressed state, and for him to be so kind and actually think of me - instead of just himself, was incredible, UNHEARD OF, that truly had to be Elohim (God), as if you knew J. that would never happen with anyone else.

I was truly touched, and instead of normally just trying to get him to go somewhere else. I told him thank you J., you really are a good brother.  He said “I get scared and anxious too”. He was really seeing me where I was at, which is something!

I was thinking Maybe this is part of the reason Elohim at times permits me to continue to struggle so intensely, so it can help not just myself, but the other people around me, which I love that, THOUGH I DON’T FEEL THAT AT THE TIME – UGH, but after I thanked my Elohim for that.

But my goodness my Elohim please I know you supposedly think I am really strong!!, But can you ton it down a bit or more, I still love you though, hehe, wink 😉.

So I see that even in our struggles there are often reasons for it, as the unexpected kindness my brother expressed me – caused me to care for him more – as he was caring for me, which brought some unexpected healing.  So remember often when you are going through those hard times that Elohim can help connected you to others like you so that you don’t feel so alone.

I see that Elohim (God) was connecting His Love not just from Him, but through my Mom and even my brother J.  And I was so glad I could give that love back to everyone, it’s amazing how He can bring love and hope even when things can seem hopeless, it ends up being better than we can hope for.

Patricia  <3   :)  

 

John 13:34-35    A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

 

Here’s a song about how glorious our Yeshua (Jesus) is

 

“King Of Glory”  by Melissa How

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoyOOZ_sxbQ&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=80