Spinning out of Control from Darkness to Thankfulness

 


Mom and I ended up going for an evening walk around where she lived on July 13, 2023.

I decided to write an important post on how I have been super struggling all day mentally lately getting stuck as usual in my darkness, pessimistic, repetitive negative thoughts that super get me spinning out of control over and over and over in a terrible never ending extremely worrying depressed, fearful, suicidal, totally out of control/suffocating state.

It makes it so hard to see that things will ever change in the end with this almost constant torturous mindset.  It really makes me feel like there is no way out.

But while on a walk with my Mom she saw this log that was spinning over and over and over again in the mini falls we have near my Mom's place.

She said "Back when Dad was alive he looked at the falls and it made him think of himself sometimes and the whole getting stuck in the same negative thoughts and state over and over again - and that eventually the falls would be pushing so hard that it would be set free to flow down the river."

Me being in my negative thoughts I thought oh then that meant the log/person lost their battle/passed away.

But Mom said that actually it's when they finally stopped the negative constant cycle for the better, and let go of their "garbage" in their life is when Elohim (God) could help them push out that log as it is free through that person to move on from life as all that crappiness that was holding them/the log down was now free to move on with their life.

So after that I decided to try the "Mom game" I suddenly made up since we like games.

That is to try to say and think of something positive and thankful - without adding the usual dark complaining or worrying I usually do - as my Mom is a very positive and encouraging person.

So I decided to do that, and it was hard to not automatically have my usual critical part come up -  But it did help me appreciate the beauty of things around us especially in the forestry area when I actually did try it.  I hadn't tried really enjoying outside and other things in forever.

It really felt so mystical and beautifully mysterious.  My Mom said it made her feel like being in Narnia, which I agreed.  I felt like special animals would be living there if this was actually Narnia.

We just felt like it would be the special place, with it being dark and pretty and yet the sun peaking through the forest and that you could meet, walk and talk with Asland the Lion.

And that there even with the tunnel of darkness there, there are still light there and that with that light you could eventually get to the sunny side that Elohim (God) is.

So though just like the log it kept spinning what seem like forever - it eventually got to where it safely needed to be.

I'm so incredibly thankful to Elohim and for my Mom.  As between the 2 of them they are keeping me safe - while I am almost drowning everyday.  But both of them will never give up on me.

So they keep showing me Hope - that though I’m having incredibly dark battles and the struggles are brutal ones I don't want, that one day I will be thankful for them - as I suspect from it - I will grow that much stronger not just in myself but Elohim too.

I can also tell as much as it's a very difficult time for my Mom to see me this way – it’s also the most honest and connected we have ever been, so I am so thankful for that too.

So I thanked Elohim for giving Mom and I this time as we both unexpectedly needed it.

My Mom really is a miracle and angel to me as She never gives up on me - just like her & my Elohim (God) & Yeshua (Jesus) never does, which she says she gets her strength to help me through these battles and others as they are always helping her by walking beside her in this journey we call life.

Connecting with your loved ones, and Elohim can help you through those dark times to help you see how wonderful and beautiful life really is.

Patricia   <3   :)

 

1 Chronicles 16:34    Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!

 

Here’s a song about praying to our Yeshua (Jesus) to forgive us for our unbelief and for the Lord to have Mercy on us.

 

“Lord Have Mercy” Robin Mark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikjBNj7qlI&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=85

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