A Good Day

 

I decided to write a vey important post on July 19, 2023 about how what seem like a bad day can turn into a good day.  I didn’t sleep much because I ate too much again, and I couldn’t sleep until 2:15am and then got up at 6am as I was going with my Mom and brother to volunteer at a food bank.  So I wasn’t thinking I’d be hungry, but strangely enough I was.

So I was resistant to have Breakfast after eating so much yesterday- but I decided okay I'm going to try to actually Listen to Elohim (God) and go against my ED instead of starving myself if I felt my hunger at Breakfast time – normally after eating so much the day before I am not able to eat anything for a couple of days, and I wouldn’t try eating normally until then.

But I decided to Let God Help Me for once.  Just a little bit.  My Desperate prayer I had yesterday the other night was "Elohim reach me where I am unreachable".

As I knew I desperately needed help to get better - but I didn't know how that would happen when my Will was so Strong against always doing the right thing as I wanted to only Do what I want to Do.

I didn't realize until later that my Mom had many people praying for me - connected to my Addiction as it had gotten so bad as I had been hiding the snack foods I wanted from Mom as I felt shame from how much I would eat.  I knew I had a serious problem both from the Anorexia & Overeating side of it when I couldn't control it – and with me not being able to stop myself it would often put me in a suicidal state.

So I actually ended up doing something I normally don't have, which was Breakfast - especially after having more food the evening before.

As I wanted to try to not cause me to possibly go from possibly Starving to over eating if my gut suddenly woke up.  As well as I was trying to listen to what Elohim (God) wanted me to do with my eating that day.

So I ended having 1/2 a meal replacement drink - that way I at least would have something before going to the Food Bank as I was getting up at 6am and wouldn’t be back home until later the afternoon.

Since my Mom, my brother J. and I had to get to the Food Bank by 7:30am I decided to take it with me.

Shockingly my mood didn't drop, and it's been beyond brutal each day of Intense Terror of Anxiety and Fear connected not to eating too much or too little.  As well as feeling so suicidal I can barley get through the minutes, hours and day - as the days seems to never end, except for when I eat and & watch something, which made me feel better.

I think my mood happened to be better this morning also been because sooooo many people were praying for me as well as my Mom as well as my prayer of asking for Elohim to reach me where I am unreachable.

By chance while my Mom was driving us all to the food bank her car was really bad as it was shaking and the Engine light was on, and we needed to bring all the donated Bread we had in the Freezer to the food bank,

So we prayed that God would get us there safely so all the people could get the bread provided for anyone that came to the food bank.

Thankfully we got there safe and sound and I actually had quite a good time there.  I actually felt more present.  Hehe I do have a bit of OCD and I was able I use that to my advantage and organize and count out all the different food and packages that needed to be divided up at the food bank, it was fun hehe, sometimes even more than the people there😉.

When things got stressful or my OCD became a bit much I would try to rein myself in and listened to Elohim when he said, to breathe, and you can let those things go, and that it doesn't have to be exactly how you want it to be. 

That way I could focus again on the people and why I was there, which felt so good that I could help people in need, as well as be around other lovely people that were helping out at the food bank.

After that my brother J. and I had to take a bus home as Mom had to get the car towed and there wasn’t any room left in the tow truck. – But to my surprise my Good Day got even better.

When I was walking down the hill there was a Monarch Butterfly 🦋 flying around me, I couldn't believe it, it just made my Good Day that much better😃.  I got a video and pictures of it, it was just so amazing!!

I really felt like God was singing to me and Showing what Life can be like when We Listen to Him, and that was just with the little bit of Letting Go I did this morning and Letting Him help me - can make a world of difference.

I finally really felt more like myself again today after sooooo long - to actually smile and genuinely be happy and for once it Not Be Because of Food😄 was incredible.

I Thanked My Elohim (God) for this Good Day and He said Thank You for Listening to me❤️.

Then I found our resident backyard Bunny🐇 outside - it was so sweet to see the bunny just sitting there not far from me.

This Good Day was incredible - I could feel again - I could be present again.  Sure I still had my Gut stuff going on - but that didn't seem to affect me as much as my when my Mood was so much better.

As Normally I'm Super Dark - but today I felt a light in me, so when my usual complaining, negative struggles started to try to come up as they did - I tried to push them aside and keep the positive of the day going as long as I could.

It's also the first time in awhile my mind was more clear. As I can rarely think as I’m so exhausted all the time – and oddly enough this is with 3 1/2 hrs. sleep.

I always felt like You had to be a super strong hard fighter to get totally better with Elohim, which for some people you can, but I wasn’t there as of yet.

But I didn't realize until now that even a soft gentle fight with Elohim is just as affective, and with that He can Help you where you are at.

So another thing came up that I was actually shockingly able to do in the moment, which was put back the bathroom railing after it fell down.  Normally that would be too much for me mentally to try to figure it out and there I was doing it, so good😄.

Then after that my brother J. wanted my help and because he irritates me most of the time I normally would not be up for giving the help he wanted.

But today with being in a better mood I got to know my brother more and when he suddenly asked me to help him with adding something to keep his mask up together I didn’t pull away from him.

So I said “I didn't know exactly what to do but let's see” - so between J. and I, we were able to figure out putting holes and an elastic-band so he could do the whole Jim Carrey and The Mask for his little skit he was doing, and I said “Team Work J.”, and he said thanks Patricia.

It was pretty incredible when 2 people who normally can't think and figure things out –

somehow did so within 5-10 minutes.

My brother had a good time doing his little video thing - and I got pictures of him with the Mask and without.   I just asked him to pose when he feels the best as well as the funny “Mask pose".

For my brother J. and I to get along with each other and have fun like when we were kids was so Good -something we both haven't done in forever.

It truly was an incredibly Good Day and it wouldn't have been possible without for sure My Elohim as I finally let Him help me with something.

As well as of course my Mom who as been so incredible to get me through such difficult Mental Struggles lately.

And she never gave up on her God, and Me and that has really made a difference.  She really is such a Very Strong Woman ❤️.

And it helped me to ask a prayer to the Lord of "Reach me where I am unreachable" as that's where the darkest, stubborn, strong willed part of me is and I knew I needed help, but I didn't know how I'd give things up that I wanted my way whether it hurt me or not.

So praise Elohim (God) for reaching me today as I reached back and for my Mom to never stop believing A Good Day was finally possible for me with Him

As the friend from church S. I’ve mentioned before said "things may be super difficult, but not Impossible with Him” And I really saw that today.

I have soooo much more to go to get better - but with A Good Day like this I want to do better with Him and myself.

I'll take any Good Days that I can get and I am Beyond Thankful to Elohim for it.

It'll be a really good reminder for my harder days, which lately have been 90% or more of the time that He'll get me through it.

I am actually realizing that there is a bigger purpose to my Suffering than I realized -and I am so Thankful to Elohim for that -as it truly is sooo worth it in the end as I see the effects for the better it will be for helping others -with my own journey, which I am still going on. I never saw myself as a strong person - but often He uses people that have gone through a lot - and that's what I want for His glory ❤️ ❤️ .

Even with my hubby and I being apart for now - I know that's also meant to be so that we can find our own healing with ourselves - so when we come back together we'll be stronger together and with Him.

So I am thankful to Elohim for that too - healing is really happening in our Family and Home, which I am grateful to Elohim for.

But first and foremost I have to keep letting God help me - and get me to keep dealing - so if I need treatment I'll finally be open for it.❤️

So in the meantime I Thank you Thank You Thank You Elohim for what you’ve done for me.  I love you sooooo much❤️❤️❤️😄😄😄❤️❤️❤️ and I trust you more today and I feel safer now.  I felt like my Elohim said back to me “I Feel The Same My Child❤️😄❤️”  and I know my Elohim is never going to let me go like Mom always said❤️.

Patricia   <3   :)

 

Psalm 118:24    This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

 

Here’s a song about being broken, scared and confused, but our Elohim (God) is faithful, and though we may struggle with unbelief, we ask God to help with our unbelief because He is faithful.  With that we will proclaim it to the world, and declare it to our heart, and scream it in the dark and you believe that You are faithful! And He will rescue us in all of this as He is faithful.

 

“Faithful” by Steven Curtis Chapman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A12Ij4R1vJs&list=PL3whQX319DaB37iB8NZpJe206iSdpe3kc&index=88